06 Tips – How to be Assertive without being Rude?

Welcome to Skillopedia – The place to learn Skills for the real world. Assertiveness could also be termed as communication skill and behavioural etiquette. An assertive person always expresses their point of view or thought in a confident and appropriate way.  Sometimes assertiveness comes as rude to other people, In this Skillopedia session, you will learn how to be assertive without being rude. You will learn tips on how to be a confident person without coming as a rude. The content for this video is taken from our Personality Development course conducted at our Learning centers in Mumbai.

Complete Video Transcript –

Hey, everyone, you’re with me Niharika and welcome to Skillopedia, the place to be for learning skills for the real world. Now many people and especially women are often being labelled as bitches when they are just trying to stand up for themselves. Assertiveness is a communication skill as well as behaviour. An assertive person expresses her thoughts and feelings in a direct and appropriate way. That person also respects the thoughts, feelings, and beliefs of other people. So knowing how to be assertive without being rude or aggressive is quite an important skill. In this session, we’re going to look at that, how to be assertive without being rude. In other words, we’re gonna look at how you can stand your ground without offending anyone.


So what’s the first thing that you have to follow? Well, be confident but don’t overdo it. Certainly, you want to be confident in whatever manner you’re being assertive but don’t try so hard to show your high level of self-esteem that you turn others off and come off as this rude and snobbish person. There is a seemingly fine line but the more you can stay on the right side of it, the better you are. Remember that you can have self-confidence without having to cut someone else down to get it and don’t compare yourself to others as each person has to stand on their own merit. Be the best that you can be and let everyone else worry about themselves.one of the best ways to show your confidence is through your posture. Walk tall and look people in their eyes. You know, believe in yourself, which you should by the way and even if you don’t feel totally confident in a situation, you will notice that just walking as if you do gives a little-unexpected boost that will help you not only look but also feel the part of being confident. So people just keep this in mind, be confident but don’t overdo it.


So what’s the next thing that you need to keep in mind? Well, have clear boundaries in mind. If you know what you are willing to do or what would you do for certain people, it definitely helps. If you know your boundaries, then you won’t have to search for your boundaries in the middle of a stressful situation. Like for example, if your friend often asks you for money and you are not sure how to handle it, have an exact number in mind for how much you are willing to give and if you are not willing to give any more money, know that before you talk to him again and be ready to assert your boundaries. Plus of course, you are less likely to offend that person, right? Because it’s a feeling the way you do or see things in a different way.so the other person has to understand and trust me, this would not come across as you being rude.it just shows that how assertive you are.


Now, this is one of the most important things that you need to remember, do not forget your manners. This is where assertiveness turns rude when you don’t use your manners that were taught to us when we were young. When you start forgetting your manners, such as saying please and thank you, when you are talking to others in an assertive manner, then you are really doing yourself an injustice. You come across as someone who is rude and offensive and this alone will likely keep you from making your point as people will be so put off by your behaviour that they may choose to not listen to a single word that you are speaking. So when you are speaking with others, treat them with the same respect that you would want your family member treated with. Imagine that maybe it’s your mother or your father or your grandmom that you’re trying to talk to and use the same etiquette. Make your family proud that they raised such a wonderful person. Don’t lose your wonderful values because everyone is entitled to be respected. So people the next time you are trying to be assertive, this is like a sincere request that, do not forget your manners.


The next one is quite an important one because we all tend to get angry. So don’t get angry and trust your instincts. Standing up and speaking up for yourself, doesn’t mean you need to have a screaming match. Getting angry can make you lose control of your emotional intelligence and it’s not a good way to stand or speak up for yourself. Doing this might lower the way you are seen by your boss or your colleagues or your friends and they won’t really listen to you or take you seriously. Always be polite and maintain a calm tone of voice and then believe in your instincts. You have them for a reason. So use them and trust them. Doing this is a great way for you to speak up and stand up for yourself because your instincts will tell you when something isn’t right and something that you shouldn’t really say.  So believe in yourself, believe in your instincts and the most important thing’s stop being so angry. Okay, there is no need to fight with people. There is no need to raise your volumes. So guys just be calm and maintain peace.


So this one is like the most important things that you need to remember. Remember your goal. Yes, sometimes it can be hard to be assertive because you are afraid that you are going to upset the other person and they may end up not liking you and especially when you area people pleaser. This is especially frightening to you as you generally do your best to make others happy and you really don’t like to rock the boat. However, there are times that you have to remind yourself of your goal. This alone may get you to act more forcefully than you normally would. Maybe you’re having a conversation with your child’s teacher and they’re trying to shut you down and make you go away. However, if you give in, you’re not helping your child in any way. So you need to forge ahead even if you are uncomfortable doing so. So keep in mind sometimes it is necessary to say what is on your mind as it is more damaging if you don’t. If you’re looking to change something, it’s almost a necessity as most things do not move unless they are forced to. So don’t be afraid, when the situation calls for it, just go ahead. Stop worrying about it. Just remember your goals.


So here’s the next one, well, prepare and practice. First, prepare for being assertive. There are times when you have to be assertive say for example at your workplace and you just don’t do it in one go, so practice it before you stand up for yourself. Maybe in front of a mirror or with your close relationships. Imagine what it might be like to communicate something difficult to your coworker or your boss. Ask yourself questions like what is my goal, what do I want to say? How would I like to say it? Act in out in your mind, playing out both, the ideal scenario and the scenario that scares you the most. Try talking it through with the loved one who would be open to role-playing. Say aloud what you would like to communicate at work and if you don’t, when the moment comes the nerves might get you tongue-tied and can feel easier to give up. So consider the things that you often find difficult to say like, for example, no, I can’t or that just makes me uncomfortable. Try to rehearse them for your future use and this would really help. So make sure that you prepare yourself and practice really well.


So people, well always remember that speaking up and standing up for yourself can be quite a challenge for some people.it can take courage which you may feel you don’t have. Especially when confronting someone higher than you.so keep these points in mind and trust me you would not come across as a rude person. Of course thank you for watching us on today and do not forget to subscribe to our channel, Skillopedia, the place to learn skills for the real world.

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