Complete Video Transcript –
People make comments about our career choice, living situation, life partner, child rearing decisions and hobbies and especially when we haven’t asked for their opinions or advice. Most of the times when I come across highly judgemental people, I do my best to put myself in their shoes and understand why they behave the way they do and why they feel the need to point a finger at those around them. Now we all as human beings, in some way or the other are good, kind and loving people but because of many challenges that life sends our way and because we of the many struggles that we all face, some of us become bitter and resentful. And when that happens, we begin to project our own pain and suffering in the form of blame, judgement and criticism on to the world around us. But this is what I always say when you judge another, you do not define them. You define yourself. So in today’s session with me, Niharika at Skillopedia, let’s have a look at different ways to deal with judgemental people in a more positive and in a more loving manner.
Well the first thing that you can do is, don’t take things personally. If someone you know is judging you harshly, know that it is probably because they judge themselves harshly. They spoke to you in the same way, they spoke to themselves. Don’t take it personally, don’t make their negativity your own; don’t let their toxic words go to your heart. Don’t poison yourself with the things that they have little or nothing to do with, who you are. So don’t take anything personally. Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering, so make sure that you need not take them seriously.
So what’s the next thing that you can do to deal with judgemental people? Well, be compassionate. Nasty judgemental people are made, they were not born. Think about what could have possibly happened to this person in their life to make them, the way they are. A child doesn’t become judgemental, unless that behavior is modelled for them. So may be their parents judged everything too, including themselves. They compared way too much with others. You never know what kind of negative message they received about themselves while growing up. So while it doesn’t make their behaviour any more tolerable, remembering this will at least help you have a little bit of empathy for them and if you want others to be happy, well practise compassion and if you also wanna be happy, practise compassion. There’s another thing that you can do, well like you know we don’t expect children to know everything, that’s why we kind of tolerate and accept their bad behaviour from them more often than we do from adults. We think that once a person grows up, they should know better. They should have figured it all out but that’s not how it works. Many adults don’t quite get it. So if you view them as a child, someone who is still learning and growing and doesn’t know any better, then it would be easier for to be compassionate. So please be compassionate towards these kind of people.
So let’s have a look at the third thing that you can do. Well say thank you to just terminate the topic. Yes that’s what you can do… when someone insists on you know their opinions onto you, respond assertively and diplomatically. It’s quite an effective way to halt these crazy advice and just go ahead and say thank you in a very firm tone of voice. It’s always polite and yet a powerful way to just no longer discuss the matter. You can use thank you as a part of a diplomatic statement. For example, I appreciate your input thank you or something like, well this is how I look at this issue but hey thanks or maybe you can say that, I’m happy with my decision but thanks for your opinion. Or something like I got your point, thank you. So when you set boundaries in this manner, those who are socially aware will get a message and they would kind of back off from you. So go ahead and be diplomatic and affirmative.
Let’s have a look at another thing that you can do to deal with these judgemental people. Well don’t share it all, yes you don’t have to pour your heart out. We think or consider many people as our friends but be careful because the things we share with people, there are high chances of being judged. You know I often felt upset that because I opened my heart and revealed my imperfections and didn’t fee; held or heard. And of course I slowly learned that if someone might not accept my truth, it would be wise for me to exercise a judgement around how much I share. Like our stories are not meant everyone. Hearing them is a privilege and we should always ask ourselves this before we share that has this person even earned to listen to me? Right so my story doesn’t serve a purpose in our conversations. This is when you realize and then that’s it. You don’t have to share or pour your heart out to the others because that gives them a chance to judge you.
Let’s have a look at the next one, well don’t sink to their level. Yeah this is what I totally believe. Just because a person judges you, you don’t mean that, that they were saying is right. Just because someone calls you stupid doesn’t mean that is true or just because someone calls you fat, it doesn’t mean that’s true. So when people, criticize us or talk rubbish about us, well it’s not necessary to attack back. By doing this makes you no better than them. If you don’t like their behaviour then don’t give them the power to change you to the way you are. Don’t let their negativity turn you into a very cranky and crabby person who plays this judgemental game right along with them. Choose to be the classy person and just walk away with your head held high. So remember this that just be classy and fabulous.
So here’s the next one for you, well focus your energy and attention to the ones who love you. Yes we live in a world full of different people and no matter how kind and how loving you are, there will be always be someone who will have a problem with you, simply because they have a problem with themselves. So don’t take that behaviour personally, don’t just waste your time judging the people who judge you, channel your energy on loving the people who love you. Isn’t that better? You know use your precious time and energy to show your love and appreciation to those who love and adore you. And if you can avoid or remove that judgemental person from your life, then just do it. You can maintain a distance from judgemental people. If the person is your boss, then I know you can’t really help it but you know just avoid being around him or if it’s your friend, then just ignoring her or his calls. It’s pretty simple you know. So love the ones who love you and just ignore the ones who really don’t need your attention.
And here’s the last thing that you can do, if all else fails walk away and keep a healthy distance. Well not every difficult person is worth grappling with. Your time is important and your peace of mind is your priority. So in the face of an extremely negatively entrenched individual, simply say that you have to go and diplomatically make your exit. If you are at a group or a get together keep a healthy distance by spending and communicating with the people who matter to you. Think twice before obligating yourself to interact with the judgemental individual. You know it’s always better to just stay away, right?
Okay friends, so has anyone of you’ll have gone through this? Has this happened to you like judging someone simply because they were judging you and not like them simply because they didn’t seem to like you? Well I would really want to know. So what are your thoughts on this or you would like to share something, well yes you can. You can share your insights by commenting and the next time you encounter people judging you, well hey you know what to do right? Well just follow and understand the simple things that I mentioned in this session today and I’ll be back with a new session soon, well thank you for watching me and do subscribe to our channel, Skillopedia, the pace to learn skills for the real world.