Tag - Communication skills

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Hi, this is Ceema, welcome back to Skillopedia, the place to learn skills for the real world. Well, today we are going to talk about insults and how we can respond to them.an insult is nothing but when someone speaks to you or treats you with disrespect. Have you ever been at the receiving end of an insult? That’s not a very pleasant thing, is it? Well, what do you do when you are insulted? Do you insult the person straight back? Or do you break down and cry? Or do you simply leave the place and avoid the person who has insulted you altogether? Well, today's lesson is going to teach you about how you can respond effectively to people who insult you or make fun of you. Now it is very clear that people who insult you are negative people, right? But why do you think they actually insult you? Now there are 4 main reasons why someone would probably insult you. The first reason is insecurity. Now there are some people who are insecure. They don't feel good themselves and because they don't feel good about themselves, they feel the need to control and they can only gain this need to control by putting other people down. So insecure people will always end up insulting you or make rude comments at you. Say, for example, you have a sibling who is insecure about how she looks. She might end up you know insulting you about the way you look or about the way you dress or simply about the way you score at school. The second reason why someone would mock you or insult you is because they are jealous of you. That’s right, jealousy is a very important motive for someone to mock you or ridicule you. People who are jealous feel that they are not getting enough credit for what they are doing and that is why they wanna put you down. So say for example, if you have a coworker but your boss likes you better than your coworker, your coworker might end up making fun of the way you dress. He might make fun of the way you have given your presentation. He’s just plain jealous of you and that's why he insults you. The third point or the third reason why people would insult you is because they don't really have a proper understanding of a person's disability. Now a lot of times, people are not aware of how their comments affect people because they don't know that the person they are directing these comments to, actually have a genuine problem. So say, for example, there is a kid in school who's actually got speech difficulties. He probably stammers or stutters. He’s got a genuine problem but maybe his schoolmates or his classmates don't really get that. They don't really understand that.so they might make fun of him without really understanding how it affects him. well, the final or the last point, why someone would possibly insult you is because they are fond of you and they want to playfully tease you.so this is not really insulting in a very negative way but some people, they like you a lot and they think that teasing you a little bit is kind of very cool. They love doing that because they are fond of you. So maybe you have a cousin who keeps calling you a little chubby because you are on the heavier side but she does not mean to be rude. But maybe her insults or her comments could hurt you a little bit but what she is actually indulging in is just playful teasing. Well, now we're going to talk about, what you can actually do or how you can actually respond to insults. Now responding to an insult is much better than reacting to it. So the first thing you've got to remember when you are faced with an insult is to stay calm. Now as we've learnt that people who insult are people who are probably insecure. They love to control. They are very controlling people, right? So they want to ensure that you get angry or you just maybe break down and cry but you are not going to give them, the satisfaction of that kind of reaction, right? So, before you even respond to what they have to say, ensure that you take several deep breaths, stay calm so that you are composed enough to give a very effective reply to what they have to say. It is also very important to tell the person who is insulting you, how you exactly feel. Yes, even though you are to stay calm, it is your duty to ensure that the person who is insulting you or mocking you knows what you are going through. So, you can also tell them that if what they're doing is illegal, it can have unforeseen or unpleasant circumstances for them. say for example, if you have a coworker who is bullying you over the internet, you can actually tell them that if you report them, it's going to have very bad consequences for them or maybe if you have a cousin who keeps making rude comments at you, you can simply tell them, that you are not very happy about what they're saying and whatever they're saying is going to actually affect your relationship with them. So when you are faced with an insult, it is important that you tell the person who is insulting you, what you actually feel. The third point to note when responding to an insult is to ensure that you ignore the insults completely. Now let me tell you, ignoring an insult is sometimes the wisest and the best thing to do. Why would you ignore an insult and not respond to it? Well, you can ignore an insult simply because you wanna ensure that the person who has insulted you should not feel that they've affected you in any way. So when you actually ignore the insult, you're telling the person that, look I'm not affected by it. Okay now, how would you ignore an insult? You can ignore an insult by changing the topic of conversation and talking about something entirely unrelated or you could just walk away from the place that you are having this conversation with or this person. So you could leave the room, you could leave the place that you are being insulted or spoken rudely at. So say, for example, you're at work and your coworker makes fun about the way you present a particular topic. So, you don't feel very good about it but you want to ignore it. So you will simply walk out of the room or talk about, you know a different project altogether which is not even related to the one that you have worked upon right now. So, ignoring an insult is one of the wisest things to do. Another very interesting way of responding to an insult is by using humour. You’re right; humour is probably the best defense mechanism when you have to attack an insult. Now how do you do this? Now when someone's making a joke at you, you can try using that person's joke and using that joke, you actually put the joke back at them. But of course, you've got to do it in a very nice light-hearted way which ensures that they don't feel offended and at the same time it makes the atmosphere very easy and not so very tense. So say for example, if a colleague or a co-worker makes fun of the fact that you walk in to work late every day. They call you, miss late or miss tardy. What you can actually do is you can say that yes, I do come late but I'm actually learning to come late from you. I see you walking in late every day as well. So you're actually taking the insult but you're kind of directing the joke back at them. So you've got ensure that when you're actually doing that, you've got to be very you know natural in tone. You don't have to raise your voice in order to ensure that they don't get as offended as you've probably gotten when they've made the insult of the remark at you. The next thing you need to know is that you have to sometimes also, report insults. Now let me tell you if insults are based or related to gender, sexuality, religion or disability, it is against the law. The person who is actually doing that is not doing a very lawful thing and it is your right as the victim to actually report these kinds of acts. Now at school or at work, you have anti-harassment departments which actually would listen to your plight and would do the right thing in order to ensure that you don't have to face the insults ever again. Doing good things for yourself will always help you feel good and therefore it is my advice to always indulge in self-care. So if you are being mocked or insulted or spoken rudely to on a continual basis. If you actually do some little good things for yourself, you can feel very good from the inside. It could be anything. You can go for a quiet walk. You could go and get yourself a nice haircut. You could go to the spa; you could just work out if that helps you feel better. Anything in order to ensure that you feel good about yourself. So please, please indulge in self-care because not everyone will make you feel good, you've gotta do that for yourself. Well, people are always going to put you down but it's up to you, to actually bring yourself up and stay strong. So it is important that you write a journal. When you write a journal, you can actually document or make a list of things that you actually like about yourself. So this is a list of things that you like about you. So it could be things that relate to your strengths. It could be things that relate to what you've achieved over the number of years or it could simply be anything that tells you that you are just a very beautiful person. well, I hope you found this lesson very useful and very insightful about what you can do when you are insulted.so now you know what you can do and what you must not do when you are insulted or in a situation where you feel mocked or ridiculed. For more such sessions, do not forget to subscribe to Skillopedia, the place to learn skills for the real world.

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